Monday, 20 February 2017

I'm So OCD Because...

I'm So OCD Because...  OCD Action week of action OCD UK mental health wellbeing depression quiz anxiety bloggers am I OCD?

1. I can't eat in college at all. Meaning that I go 12 hours without food every single day. Due to this I have meal replacement drinks instead 
2. I can't eat anything without using knives and forks. Which means in public I have to eat with plastic cutlery
3. I wash my hands continuously. Sometimes it's 20 or 30 times. Sometimes it takes half and hour. Sometimes I have to do it till it feels just right 
4. I have to check the door 50 or so times before I leave the house until it feels just right 
5. I can't work at a table in college until I've wiped it down with an anti-bac wipe 
6. I have to wear gloves when I leave the house, whatever the weather, hot or cold 

7. My feet and elbows are excellent at opening doors and flushing toilet handles. 
8. Public toilets terrify me, so I avoid them at all costs. 
9. My hands are sore, bleeding and cracked because of the over washing 
10. I struggle to touch people. I'm not too bad with hugging but kissing and holding hands is a massive no 
11. Which currently puts any form of relationship off limits 
12. As a result, I spend a significant amount of my time alone
13. I have poured neat bleach over my hands. Sometimes up to five times a day.
14. I've struggled to sleep because I would wake up in the night in a panic that I wasn't clean enough.
15. I hoard empty hand sanitizer bottles in the fear that if I throw one away something bad will happen 
16. What and where I eat is decided on the ease of eating that food with cutlery.
17. For example, I eat crisps with a spoon. I try to avoid crisps when I'm out and about because I get a lot of stares 
18. As a child, I was paranoid of the house catching fire or people breaking in. 
19. I was always asking my mum for reassurance that the door was locked be the smoke detector was in

I'm So OCD Because... OCD Action UK bloggers blog quiz am I ? depression mental health wellbeing anxiety

20. I have anxiety and panic attacks 
21. Sometimes I burst into tears, start rocking back and worth and start hyperventilating 
22. Other times I go really quiet. I don't move and stare into the distant 
23. And sometimes I have a fit of anger and rage. Afterwards, I break down 
24. Panic attacks mean that I miss a lot of lessons at college and sometimes can't even get to the lesson at all. 
25. Going to public places and using public transport scares me a lot
26. I get panicky in places that I can't escape easily. I worry that people are going to be sick and I won't be able to get away 
27. I sweat and overheat in the summer as I have to wear long sleeves to cover my hands to avoid me getting contaminated 
28. I can't even hug or kiss my own parents
29. I've sprayed my hands continuously with antibacterial surface spray.
30. I have come incredibly close to burning myself because I've refused to touch the kettle handle with my hand and instead use my jumper. 

One of my friends, Rich did a blog post just like this a few weeks back. You can read that post HERE. Both rich and I suffer from OCD. When reading his post, I found that I could relate to it a lot. I loved the twist on the post. Using the phrase "I'm so OCD" which is often used in such a loose and misunderstood way to accurately highlight the reality of what it's like to live with OCD. 

This week (20-26th Feb) is OCD actions, week of action in which they focus on taking action to get help for your OCD, to help others with OCD and to have meaningful conversations about OCD. Lots are going on in OCD Actions HQ this week and right across the country to help fundraise money for OCD Action, which proves second to none support for those suffering from, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If you would like to find out more about the work OCD Action do, you can check them out HERE, follow them on Facebook HERE and TWITTER HERE.

In light of OCD Action week, I thought I would share 30 reasons why "I'm so OCD" and actually hopefully help you understand that OCD isn't all about being neat, tidy and organised it's actually a severe mental illness that completely tears life's apart. Hopefully, by continuing to talk about my own experiences with OCD, I will encourage others to do the same and maybe, just maybe, over time help reduce the stigma. 

Thanks for reading as always X


  1. I don't know if it's okay to say that I love this post since it's so raw and deals with such heavy subject matter, but it's what I do because it shows the reality that OCD is. Great work Nicole!

    x Envy

  2. This is a really important post. Thank you for sharing your voice and for raising that awareness <3

  3. You are very brave to speak up about your OCD and how it affects your life. Thank you for sharing this, so openly and truthfully. I empathise as my anxiety developed into OCD as a child. It's always nice to read something from those who understand. You're very strong. Xx Best wishes . . .

    Keep Calm and start writing -

  4. I really like how you reclaimed "I'm so OCD" and used it as your title. It's actually what made me click on this post, as I was expecting it to be one of those "I hate my bed being unmade, I'm so OCD!" kind of things, which I'm glad it's not.

    I can't imagine that strength it would have taken to write and publish this post. I really admire you for that. Whilst my mental health issues are a lot easier to live with, I still find them extremely difficult to talk about, but hopefully one day I'll get past that. I'll be sharing this post around to help spread awareness on what OCD is actually like, and how it's not just synonymous with "tidy". All the best.

  5. This was such an honest post and I congratulate you on your bravery to speak up about something that is so important to be raising awareness about!
    Grace xx

  6. So proud of you for this, Nicole. Because of my health anxiety I can relate to a few of these and really feel for you. You're so brave and you must help so many people with your posts. Sending you lots of love. Xxxx

    Rachel of Rachel Rambling On

  7. So glad you posted this Nicole, it really raises a lot of awareness for OCD - I don't suffer with/from OCD as I've said before but the emetophobia comes with a lot of these things as well. I have a big fear of being in a space I can't get out from incase someone is sick, always terrifies me!

    Lucy | Forever September

  8. I'm so sorry you have to go through this every single day, but you're so incredibly strong. I try not to use phrases like 'being OCD' and it really bugs me when other people do. This post really brings out why that is so, so wrong. Thank you!

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