Thursday 13 September 2018

Feeling Lost Online

The interwebs is a really big place. Well, literally speaking it isn't but it feels really big. It does to me, anyway- I don't know if anyone else feels the same. 

When I say 'I feel lost online' it sounds such an overdramatic statement. Like, how can anyone possibly feel lost online? You go on your phone, you log into Twitter or Instagram and as if by magic you can talk or stalk millions of people, online from the comfort of your own home.

But for those of us who have been on the internet for a while, particularly, if you have an online presence, it isn't as easy as that. I've been blogging since 2014, but things have changed. Blogging isn't the same as it used to be. The community isn't the same as it used to be. I'm not the same as I used to be...

During my, what five years of blogging (God, that is a long time) I have been part of lots of different 'communities'. I have been a beauty blogger, a fashion blogger (Props to you, if you remember the days of thriftyvintagefashion). I've done lifestyle posts, list posts and the community that I really found myself in was the mental health blogging community.

In 2016, I started blogging about my mental health. Mental health blogging wasn't really a thing back then, it was a really small community. Being so open about my mental health online, resonated with a lot of people and as a result, my blog grew in popularity. This was a really wonderful time. I went to meetups and got to meet some amazing bloggers and friends. I started working with companies and making a few pounds through my blog but most importantly I was sharing my story and helping people. 

I got emails and messages, all the time from people sharing their story with me, asking for help or saying that I was brave and strong or even encouraged others to not be ashamed for their mental illness. This was such a beautiful experience and I wouldn't change it for the world.

But as time went on, I got better. My mental health improved through treatment and therapy and I felt like I didn't have much to say anymore. I focused on my A-levels which were possibly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. 

During my time away from blogging, reading became a really important part of recovery and self-care routine. I fell in love with reading and as a result, I wanted to connect with more people who talked about books online. As a result, I started a booktube channel and I fell in love with it. Cheeky self-promo, but if you want to subscribe to my booktube channel, you can do so HERE. Not only has it been really successful but I have loved making content and have made some amazing friends already.

But by starting a booktube channel, I neglected my blog. I didn't have any fresh ideas. I didn't know what to say, that I hadn't said already.

I felt lost online...

On one hand, I wanted to be part of the mental health community. I want to continue to share my story and advice, to help and inspire others. I also want to be part of the booktube/book bloggers community. I want to talk about my favourite books and all the books I have bought. I also want to do random lifestyle posts, a bit like this but I felt I couldn't. I had to dedicate all my energy to one community or another. But then I realised...

This isn't high school any more. I don't have to belong to a cliche. I can do both a booktube channel and mental health blog. I can be a booktuber and a mental health blogger.

I originally kept telling myself that all good things must come to an end. People don't blog anymore anyway. But then I went back to check out some of my favourite blogs and most are still blogging, it's me who stopped.

While yes, the blogging community has changed. Blogger chats, don't really seem to be a thing anymore and lots of bloggers have gone on to become mothers, so I'm not really interested in their content anymore or others have moved on with their lives, got new jobs or moved house, there are new bloggers to connect with and new areas of blogging to explore. 

I guess, what this ramble is trying to say is that I felt like I didn't really fit in anywhere online. I missed the buzz of blogging I used to feel back when I started, which I got from starting a booktube channel but not from blogging anymore. 

Now I realise that I can be part of as many communities as I want and do what I want, I am trying to fall back in love with blogging again. I want to make an extra effort to comment on blog posts, reply to comments on my own blog posts and find new blogs to connect with. I'm going to try new things, take new styles of photos and hopefully making a come back to blogging...

Thanks for reading, as always X 
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