Saturday, 2 April 2016

My Daily Routine Of Living With Anxiety

My Daily Routine Of Living With Anxiety mental health support help young people time to changeFirst of all, I would like to say I am not clinically diagnosed with anxiety or any other mental health disorder. I know the way I think is not normal, or at least compared to those around me, it isn't. 
Today I thought I would share with you all the thoughts I go through on a daily basis that trigger anxiety. This snippet was taken from when I used to go to a nursery for my college placement situated on the grounds of a hospital. Enjoy! 

Little side note here, blog posts during April and May are not going to be as regular as before. Due to masses of deadlines and essays, I do not have the time to upload every other day for the next two months. This also means that #SpeakUp posts and #SpeakUp chats won't be happening as often either! However, after May I have a lot of exciting things planned for my blog- so watch the space! I am sure you will all understand as I suspect lots of you are going through the same at the moment too!


Phew! Two minutes till my alarm goes off. I haven't overslept. What would I do if I overslept? Would I be late? Would I have enough time to do my hair? Would people judge me for not having nice hair? 

Okay, breakfast time. Put my toast on. On exactly....the right setting. What if my toaster blew up right now? Or caught on fire? Could I Escape? How would I unlock the door? Okay, it's popped! That's it, put it all on the plate in the right order. 

Ohh... I really don't have an appetite for eating right now. Maybe I am sick? But I haven't been sick? Maybe I have an underlying health condition. I will google that later. 

I am going to be late! Would I have to ring if I was going to be late? I hate the phone! 

Phew! It's 6:27 the exact time I leave. Have I got everything? I will check one more time? Okay, I think I have. I will just say everything out loud so I know I have it. Time to lock the door. Yep, I definitely have done it. Just check one more time. And again. 

What if I am late for my bus? Okay, it's not there yet, that's good. 6:33 exactly 10 minutes early perfect. Okay, it's 6:44, it should be here now. Ah, here it is. Why aren't it's indicators on? Why isn't it pulling in? Do I put my arm out? I have my purse in my hand doesn't that indicate I want to get on? Phew! He's pulling over! 

Did I just ask for the right ticket? Did I give enough money? What if I got the wrong ticket and didn't realise? It's okay I have the right ticket. Now I can still down in my favourite seat at the front 

I think we are going to be late. We are normally there by this time. Okay, I can see the bus station. I must stand up to be the first person off. Do people think I am wired for sitting in the same seat every day? 

My Daily Routine Of Living With Anxiety mental health support advice lifestyle blogger

Okay, I have three minutes to get to my next bus. Okay, I can see it, it's going to be okay! What if it pulled away right now? Do I run? It's okay I will catch it! What if I dropped my ticket and it went under the bus what would I do? It's okay, I am sat down on my favourite seat. Do I know anyone on this bus? I hope I don't! 

Good, I am here! 30 minutes before I need to be exactly! Time for the toilet. I mustn't touch the door handle. Okay, I am in! There must be so many germs in here. Time to wash my hands twice. I need to go. It's 7:55, time to go. I hope the hand sanitizer hasn't run out. Omg, it's run out! I am going to get norovirus and be sick. I mustn't touch that doorbell. 

Phew, it's lunch time. Step 1. Hand sanitise my hands on the way in. Step 2. Que. for the toilet. Step 3. Wash hands twice. Step 4. Hand sanitise my hands on the way into the restaurant. Step 5. Hand sanitise my hands using my own hand gel in my bag. Now I can finally eat. But I touched kids all morning. I can't touch my food. I will only eat the chocolate bar because I can hold the wrapper. 

What if I become sick? How would I escape? I can't be sick in front of people? Okay, it's 12:53 it's time to go back now. 

Oh god, I only have an hour left and I need to get my register signed. Only 30 minutes left. 15 minutes.. 5 minutes. Come on...please stop talking. But I don't want to be rude and interrupt? My heart beats getting faster. My chest hurts. My hands are going clammy. It's going to be okay. I am going to miss my bus. I am going to be late. Phew, she's finished. I can leave. Yay, I got the bus on time! 

Do I have to touch that bell? How many people have touched that before me? Is that the right bus? I will just check one more time? Phew, I am on my last bus home for the day, in my seat. And it's on time, keeping to the routine. 

After my shower, I must do that essay. Can I have tonight off? No Nicole if you don't work you will fail and end of never achieving anything in life. Nicole, you need to work to succeed. Nicole, work work work. 

It's okay I can go to bed now. Did I lock the door? Did I get my things ready for tomorrow? Is my outfit ready? What's that noise out there? Is that a light I see? Oh, it's nothing! I can't check, what if something is there? I will just stuff my head in my pillow. 

Exhausting stuff, right? This isn't even everything. If I documented every thought that I had that triggered my anxiety- I would be there forever. 

I hope this could help open people's eyes to people who don't have anxiety and maybe you could stop telling people like me to stop worrying- because I really can't. Just because you aren't diagnosed with a mental health condition it doesn't mean that you don't have a daily battle with that voice inside your head. 

Thanks for reading, as always X
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34 comments

  1. I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety when I was thirteen. It sucks and diagnosis did not help. It was something I already knew! I just know what my triggers are and am learning ways to help calm my anxiety. Going to counselors and taking meds did not help at all. I know how you feel when people tell you to stop worrying. I think it makes my anxiety worse!
    Kiersten @ Autumn Country Girl

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    1. aw I hope it gets easier for you lovely x

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  2. This was such a clever idea and I think you are so brave for posting it :) I could relate to pretty much everything you said so it's nice to remember that I'm not the only one feeling this way x

    Always remember I'm here if you need a chat lovely!

    Jemma | jemmas-simple-life.com x

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  3. This was such a clever idea and I think you are so brave for posting it :) I could relate to pretty much everything you said so it's nice to remember that I'm not the only one feeling this way x

    Always remember I'm here if you need a chat lovely!

    Jemma | jemmas-simple-life.com x

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  4. Clever post ! It was interesting to see how you think!

    Makeupwithmissa.blogspot.co.uk

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  5. This has really helped!
    I think of these things everyday and I've always thought I was the only one and nobody else would ever understand.
    You really have helped me out xx

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  6. So brave for posting this. Anxiety is so horrible and crippling, and this shows that so well. Sorry you go through is, hopefully you'll find strategies to help you

    Emily x | emilyclairewrites.com

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    1. aw thank you very much! I haven't found anything so far x

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  7. Such a great and relatable post! :) Before I knew I had anxiety I actually thought these were thoughts everybody had. I used to/still have a fear of illnesses and I constantly think I have a horrible disease and then I panic and oh it's horrible. I also fear public places as in I fear a bomb is gonna go off (or similar) when I'm out and I'm always looking for ways to escape. And I thought these were things that went through everybody's mind but they're not. When I realized I'm an extremely anxious person it all made sense. Great reading a truly relatable post!

    www.saarasofia.com

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    1. I still think every thinks these things. When I am in a public place, I always think of a way to escape, but more because I am scared I will be sick. My hypochondriac tendencies really do get the better of me x

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  8. This post is honestly such an accurate representation of my daily struggles with anxiety haha! The constant overthinking and thoughts of doubt, it's exhausting. x

    Kathryn | Chapters of Kat

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  9. This post is so relatable and an accurate representation of living with anxiety, especially the time thing. I left my watch at my Dad's house after Easter weekend and it's been driving me nuts to keep checking my phone! I actually went out and bought a cheap one today to keep me going!
    It's so hard to keep the anxious thoughts under control, they just become a part of your everyday life!

    Laura // Laura Wardrobe

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    1. They do just come apart of everyday life, so I almost find it hard to think of my life with out! x

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  10. It's horrible to over think everything all the time and fear the worse. Hope you manage to get over this eventually.

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

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  11. Finally! I feel as though somebody actually understands my everyday struggles in life! I feel as though somebody actually 'gets' how horrible the little voice in your head actually is, and how there is no escape from it! This was a beautiful post, and, quite literally, almost reduced me to tears!xx

    Check out my recent?
    www.hannahporterx.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. aww, that's really sweet of you! The voice instead my head is a nightmare, it makes me over think things and do things I really didn't wish i had to do. It really does stop me doing the things I want in life sometimes. x

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  12. I can relate to this so much! I've not been diagnosed officially with anxiety but I've read enough about it online to be fairly sure that I do have it a bit. If it doesn't start to improve I think I will seek help for it when I get back to England as it's starting to get in the way of things!
    Anyway, thanks so much for posting this! I admire your bravery. Posts like this are so important so non-sufferers can understand better!

    Hannah xx
    www.hannahemilylane.com | Latest post: Feeling Homesick

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    1. Thank you very much! Yes you should seek help, if you feel like you need it! I should probably too, but it gives me anxiety.. oh the irony :/

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  13. I love this post so much!
    I too haven't been clinically diagnosed with anxiety but I know I am not normal mentally.
    Everything about this post was just right. The amount of random and perhaps stupid things my brain thinks of during the day for me to worry about, but no matter how hard I try, I just cannot stop it!
    We can get through this together though!
    Alice x

    www.InTheEyeOfThis.co.uk

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    1. Yes, that is the right attitude to have! I am glad I am not the only one x

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  14. Good luck with all you're deadlines and everything, really excited to see your plans too!! I love this post because it really captures how anxiety can really make you overthink about anything and everything!Xx

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  15. Huggs, I know how it is to over think everything hehe. Good luck with all the deadlines, can't wait for the future plans as well xx

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    1. I am glad I am not the only one, Thank you x

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  16. You were just in my brain. I was diagnosed with anxiety 4 years ago after thinking I was a lunatic for 7 years. I'm finally on meds that help calm some of the thoughts. I'm probably up to 80% now where as before I was 30% normal. Thanks for sharing this. Definitely an interesting insight.

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  17. I totally know this feeling. Having to doubt yourself every day is a horrible feeling but some days are much better than others, I feel.
    My advice is Just Breathe, everything is going to be ok :) and I know that's much easier said than done.
    Thank you for such a personal post, I loved reading it.

    www.teenytinythoughts.com

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  18. Aw I am so sorry you have to deal with this, anxiety can be the most difficult thing. At my lowest point I couldn't go anywhere without my mum, not even in a separate room, and couldn't walk down stairs or have a bath by myself. It's crazy how paralysing it can be :( I hope you feel better soon and I am here to talk anytime you need to! ^^ xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara | (doing follow for follow on bloglovin or instagram)

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  19. I know exactly what you mean and it's so difficult to explain it to people! They just dismiss you as "being silly" or tell you to "pull yourself together". I've had to work really hard on saying to myself "Well what's the absolute worst that could happen? How would you deal with that?" and then when I work out a plan, I tend to relax a bit because even if it does happen, I won't freak out because I'll know what to do...and things never end up being that bad! It's hard, but you can get there.

    Wicked North

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