Saturday 11 June 2016

A Letter To My Future Self

A Letter To My Future Self thriftyvintagefashion blogger

 Hello Nicole, Howdy! Hi! Wasss up!!!

(Don't worry Nicole you were always mad, well I hope you are still mad) 

I have no idea how old you are when you are reading this. If you are reading this? OMG, what if your blog doesn't exist anymore? What if you stopped blogging? I hope you didn't stop blogging!

If your blog is still going, I wonder what your follower count is now? Not that it matters of course. You hit 900 followers on Bloglovin last month, which is A-MAZ-ING may I just add. I wonder what you are at now though 9000? 90000? Haha, I don't think so, but it's nice to dream.
I wonder what blog posts you have done since this post? Did you do all the ones you wanted on your never ending lists, in your very organised and efficient spreadsheets? Have you covered some of the topics that you have always been scared of? Oh please tell me you have! That would be great! 

Besides the blog, how are you, Nicole? How's life treating you? Your 17 when you wrote this. Actually on quite a significant day. You finished your last essay for your CACHE level 3 childcare and education course that you didn't want to carry on with. You start your A-levels in September! How were they? Did the risk pay off? Did you get the grades? But most importantly did you enjoy them? 

Are you at university? Have you finished uni? How was it? Was it as bad as you thought it would be? What are you studying? What's the dream now? Psychology? Sociology? Criminology? Mental health nursing? These were all what you were considering at the time of writing this. Do you have a job? That means you must have written a CV. At this point in your life Nicole, you haven't even written a CV! Ha!!

A Letter To My Future Self lifestyle blogger

More importantly Nicole, how's your mental health? How are you feeling? Have you have had a good or a bad day? What made you laugh today? I hope it was something very funny! Did you ever pluck up the courage to go to the doctor about your mental health worries? Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness? Are you receiving the care and support you need? Or are you still struggling? 

Are your hands any better? Do they still bleed? Do you still compulsively wash them? How about that fear of being sick? OMG HAVE YOU BEEN SICK?! Because you know your trouble with the thought of being sick? Was it okay? Are you still alive? What about their fear of physical contact and people and being touched by others? As it stopped you having meaningful relationships or are you happily married? Because at this point in your life Nicole, you haven't had a boyfriend, you have been on any dates, you have been kissed or had sex. In fact, you don't have many friends at all- I hope that has really changed for you! 

What about your other fears and intrusive thoughts? How are they doing? Still stopping you do what you want? Can you drive, did you ever even try and learn to drive? At the moment, it's something you hate yourself for but you just physically and mentally can't do it! What about alcohol and parties! Your fear of being sick stops you doing so many things. Have you ever managed to take a sip of an alcoholic beverage? What about having kids? Has that happened?

A Letter To My Future Self blogging teenager notebook

It may sound strange, but at the moment, your anxiety seems to be fixated on medical problems. You fear every single day you have some kind of medical problem. Or someone you love has died. Has this really happened? Or was that just hours flicking through the NHS websites wasted?

What about your other fears? Burglary, your house being burnt down or contracting a deadly disease? Please tell me you got help, Nicole. Not just for your sake but the sake of those around you!

Above all this Nicole, I hope that you are happy. Cheesy I know! Whatever you are doing, whether that be running a successful blog, training to be a psychologist or investigating murders- I hope you enjoy what you are doing. I hope you still have passion, drive and motivation. Your individuality that makes you, YOU! You are not ashamed to be who you are- different from everyone else! 

All the best, 


(PS: a few last things: how on earth did your parents find out about your blog, that must have been awkward. Also, did you ever manage to share a bathroom at uni, at the moment it's your worst fear)

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