Sunday, 8 May 2016

Bullying 101

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I had never been bullied before in my life. Throughout infant, primary and secondary school, I always had friends. Admittedly a small group of friends but friends nonetheless. I always felt wanted, included and liked. I took this for granted. I reached 17 and thought that I would never be bullied, how I was so wrong. 

I am very naive to the world of bullying. When you think of bullying you think of name calling, teasing or physical acts of violence. Yes, these are all types of bullying. All very serious and upsetting types of bullying. But as you get older, bullying can often manifest itself in different ways- something I wasn't aware of. That was until it happened to me.

Bullying includes any kind of behaviour (physical, emotional etc.) that belittles you in any way. Bullying can make you segregated, isolated, alone, vulnerable, scared or uncomfortable. Bullying doesn't just have to involve name calling or punching, kicking etc. Bullying can be simple as making you feel uncomfortable or excluded from a group of people. Purposely leaving you out or intimidating you.



The picture that I drew for this post is a very clear visual representation of how I have felt for the last couple of months at college. Isolated, alone, not needed, crossed out- like a drawing gone wrong.

It's important to Remember that bullying is fuelled by jealousy. Bullies pick on people, who have something they want. Whether that looks, wealth, intellect etc. Bullies often feel bad about themselves so use others as a punching bag to relieve their worries and stress. Although this is no excuse for this kind of behaviour, it's important to keep in mind if you are going through bullying at the moment. 

Bullying is a persistent and long term thing. This doesn't always mean that you are called names every day. It can be as simple as being made to feel excluded or scared on a daily basis. Just because people don't say anything, their actions can still be as hurtful. Even if you are 'friends' with the people who are bullying you, and they keep doing it because they think it is a joke- this still counts as bullying. If you don't find it funny or a joke but instead hurtful or uncomfortable- then it is bullying!

Bullying can come on suddenly or build up over time. It can get worse over time or fizzle. It's important not to let it go. Bullies should be punished for what they do. In some circumstances, the bullies also need help. Bullying can stem from low confidence and self-esteem, which no one should go through. But the way in which they deal with their emotions should be supported. No one should be unhappy- bullies or victims!

No one should be made to feel scared, excluded or vulnerable. If you are feeling like this because of a small group of people or the whole class, tell someone! No matter how small you may think the problem is- it is serious. It's your right to come to school, college, uni or work and feel happy, welcomed and included. Teachers, tutors and managers take these things seriously. More seriously than you think! 

It may start by you being removed from a Facebook group chat and being ignored in class but it can easily spiral out of control to straight up intimation and mental health struggles when it all gets too much. 

I just thought that I would like to point out that bullying doesn't always have to be direct comments said straight to your face. Some people are cowards and choose to have conversations about you while they know you can hear but can't escape. This can be very hurtful and hard to stomach. This also counts as bullying. 

Bullying almost seems old school these days, something no one really talks about anymore. It's all about online and cyber bullying. No one should be disrespected. Talk to someone if you do have concerns because trust me they will take it more seriously than you think. 

The sooner you get help and talk through what is happening, the better you will feel! Teachers, tutors and managers are there to help and listen (hopefully) they can implement strategies to help make your life more comfortable. By not talking about it, you are letting the bullies get away with it! Your emotions will build up, which isn't fair on you. Bullying can be sorted. It's not a mandatory thing you have to go through at some point in your life. There is always someone who cares about you, even if that is just some random person you have met on the internet. When you think you have nobody, you feel alone in a group of people, trust me- you do have somebody! 

Numbers/ advice/ helplines for if you feel you are a subject of bullying: 

ChildLine-  0800 1111
Samaritans - 116 123
Get connected- 0808 808 4994
Bullying Uk- 0808 800 2222

Thank you for reading, I hope you found this post insightful. If you know anyone who is going through bullying at the moment then please do share this with them. I want to help as many people as possible
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18 comments

  1. I hope your bullying issue gets sorted but I am so glad you made this post to spread awareness that bullying is still a thing xx
    www.blossomofhope.blogspot.com

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    1. Yeah its mainly all sorted now, thank you! x

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  2. I was very unfortunate during my primary/secondary/further education years, and spent a lot of time in and out of counselling because of bullying - at one point I even moved schools just to get away from it. It's horrid for anyone to experience, and I know it's certainly impacted greatly on my mental health - anxiety / panic attacks being a regular occurrence.

    Nonetheless it's great that someone has approached the topic! and I love how you've added contact details for those who may need it - well done you!

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

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    1. oh no! I am sorry you have had to go through so many years of it! I hope your mental health gets sorted soon x

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  3. I hope you get it sorted soon, it's such an unpleasant thing to go through. But I totally agree that adult bullying should be talked about more as it can be difficult to recognise!

    Rachel // Rachel Ellen

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    1. Yes it should! Bullying comes in many different forms. Often more than people would realise x

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you! Bullying is horrible and if they can be caught sooner and taught that it's not right then it would be a much happier place x

    Everything But The Kitchen

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    1. I know, I know! Thank you lovely x

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  5. I never knew that bullying was still a problem outside of high school, thanks for making me and so many other people aware of this! I hope everything gets sorted out for you soon, you don't deserve any of whatever has been happening to you recently!
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.com/

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    1. Yep, bullying can happen anyway! I didn't think it would happen at college, everyone being more mature but it still does x

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  6. I love that you are talking about topics such as bullying on your blog & raising awareness. You go girl! It makes me sad and even angry to read what you're going through. I just honestly don't understand why we can't just all respect each other & be kind, the world would be such a better place x

    Sara / AboutLittleThiings

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    1. aw thanks Sara! Respect is such a big thing these days that so many people don't have! x

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  7. I know how you feel! I was 'bullied' like this for a few years, but it was mainly kind-spirited by my friends, so although it really hurt my feelings, I don't know whether I can consider it bullying. I hope you get this sorted out though!

    theamandaway.blogspot.com

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    1. I would consider it bullying! Anyone that hurts your feelings whether they mean to or not, is a form of bullying x

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  8. Your blog is not only visually great but you honestly write some awesome posts! This being one of them! I love that there is still a fair consideration for the bullies! It actually made me stop and think about those who bullied me in school and whether they likely needed help...

    Great post Nicole :D

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    1. Thank you Chris, that really means a lot! I am sorry to hear that you have been through bullying too! No one deserves to be bullied! :)

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  9. I suffered bullying at secondary school that only escalated after a school trip to Paris where 1 girl accused me of stealing money out of her bag when all I had done in fact was leave it in McDonalds when she'd gone out for a smoke!! Hardly my fault! It got so bad she actually ended up slapping me just as I was going home on the bus. Initially I didn't tell my parents but they found out when the girl's mum turned up at my house!! #Scary thankfully she got suspended for a few days which was best thing that ever happened!! The last few years were hell because of that and left me with so little confidence I never really recovered until a few years ago. Bullying is the most awful thing that can ever happen to someone and they need to know where to get help. I wish I had known this when I was at school.
    Thanks so much for this post it's really helped.
    Sarah
    www.writingrambling.co.uk

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  10. Spreading awareness of this is so important! I hope whatever you're going through with this gets better soon lovely. Bullying is truly awful xx
    Morgan | www.justmorgs.com

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