Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Let's Talk About Teenage Relationships | #SpeakUp

Let's Talk About Teenage Relationships | #SpeakUp love advice boyfriends girlfriends blogger UK lifestyle

If there is one thing you will never see on my blog is relationship advice or anything to do with relationships for that matter. At this current moment in time, I'm 17 I've never had a boyfriend, had sex, been kissed, hugged or for that matter or been touched by a boy who isn't related to me by blood. WAYYYYY..... Don't I live a wild life? This is something that really used to get me down when I was younger. I used to always think I was never going to find a soulmate and be alone forever.

As I have got older, I have realised that as selfish as it sounds I have to put myself first. I have to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else. I have lot's issues and problems that I have to overcome before I can become consumed with a relationship. Living with a mental illness, especially one that stops me making physical contact with any other human beings for fear of being contaminated, dying and killing all those others around me. I need someone who understands; that will have to be a very special human being.

Thankfully, I know someone who has a lot more experience with teenage relationships than me who can offer you some very helpful advice. For this week's #SpeakUp post, the lovely Jade is going to be sharing with you her advice about teenage relationships. For those who have never been in a relationship before, those who are in a toxic relationship and those of who are in very happy and fulfilling relationships. There's something here for everyone! I hope you find this post very helpful and informative (Jade did a fantastic job at covering all the bases)

Throughout our lives, relationships are ultimately going to affect us in one way or another. Some of you reading this post may not have been in one yet, some of you may have been in one that was quite toxic and some of you may be in one that makes you the happiest person to walk this planet. Whatever your situation, I can assure you that there will be something for you in today's post. I'm nice like that - I cater to everyone's needs!

If you're reading this post right now, having never been in a relationship, then please don't worry. Don't let it bother you! I had my first kiss and first real boyfriend when I was 13, but a lot of my friends are now 15, and they haven't had a boyfriend or their first kiss yet, which is completely fine! I don't judge them for it, and I don't think any differently of them either, because it's their decision and it's not up to anyone but the individual themselves to decide whether or not they are ready for something. There is so much pressure placed upon us young teenagers within today's society to get into a relationship and to lose our virginity, but I really do wish this wasn't the way things had to be. Growing up is already a difficult time as it is without the perception that we need to have a significant other in order to be worthy of happiness. 

There are plenty of people in this world that are happy, and I can honestly tell you that a large number of them aren't in a relationship! Due to the pressure that we feel on a daily basis, it can be really difficult to feel as though you're accepted if you haven't yet had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I remember I used to get myself really worked up because I thought that I wasn't good enough, as no boys ever really showed a genuine interest in me. However, I don't think it quite clicked to me at the time that I was only a young girl - I wasn't even a teenager! During these younger years, relationships aren't important. Sure, they can be one of the main reasons for your happiness, and they can feel so great while you're in them, but growing up is all about learning and finding yourself as a person as you go along.

You shouldn't become consumed by another individual because then you may lose focus of who you truly are when they are no longer around. You honestly just need to focus on yourself, your education, building up friendships and relationships with family members and doing what makes you happy. It sounds super cliché and cringey, but the right person will come along when the time is right. Ignore what everyone else is doing. You can have your first kiss and relationship at the age of 10 or at the age of 30. It really, truly doesn't matter. There are always people who are less experienced than you are and there are always people who are more experienced than you, but that doesn't matter. You are you and so you, don't need even to think about what other people seem to be doing with their lives. Don't rush into things just for the sake of it. Focus on being happy. The right person is out there waiting for you, and your paths will cross when the time is right. I promise. 

Now for those of you who are or have been in a toxic relationship. I feel for you - I really do. Although I don't class it as a 'real' relationship, I was 'dating' someone a while back who really wasn't very nice at all. He knew all of the right things to say, and he knew exactly how to act, but all of it was simply a mask. I'd never even met him at the time, yet anyone would have thought he was my long-term boyfriend of years if they had read our messages! Once I'd met him and heard things from friends at the time, I knew he wasn't to be trusted. Nobody should feel forced or expected to stay in a relationship with anyone, no matter who they are. I understand that you may be scared. I understand that you may feel threatened. It doesn't have to be this way, though. There is always a way out. 

You don't have to feel trapped when you're in a relationship with someone. Relationships are meant to be happy, loving and special, not dangerous, destructive and unhealthy. If you have been with someone that's treated you in any way but the very best, then I'm sending you the hugest virtual hugs right now. I do understand the feeling, but I'm so proud of you for getting out of it! If you're currently in a relationship that's making you feel as though you can't escape, then please just think about what's best for you. I know you probably don't wish to hurt the other person, but is it really worth negatively impacting your mental health over someone who doesn't even deserve you or fully appreciate you?

You should put yourself first - always. If you aren't happy, then you won't be able to make other people that happy either, as you will just become self-absorbed in negative energy and let's be honest - that won't do anyone any good. As hard as it may be, you just need to take some time to yourself, and then you will gradually realise that the person you're with just isn't the right one and you will be much happier without them. Let them go. Just don't even give them the time of day. You will find the one for you. I promise.

Don't worry; I haven't forgotten about those of you who are the happiest people on this planet right now! I really, genuinely am so pleased for you. Knowing that you have found who you think to be your soulmate is pretty amazing, isn't it? It's almost like you're on Cloud 9! I'm not going to lie; I am slightly envious of those who are in a proper, committed relationship, but I know it wouldn't be right for me to be in one at this stage in my life. I really do hope the person you're with continues to make you feel like the prince or princess that you are. 

I hope that you continue to get flutters in your chest and butterflies in your stomach every time you hear their name. I hope that you continue to feel as over the moon as you have been feeling since falling in love with that individual. You deserve this - and I really do hope it lasts a lifetime for you. Don't let anyone take that happiness away from you. It's yours, and it's yours to keep for as long as you're able to. Things may not always go to plan, but if it's meant to be, it will be. I promise.

Before I bring this post to a close, I just wanted to tell you my story. I have had a couple of relationships before that I don't consider to be real by any means. They were nothing truly meaningful, and if I'm honest, I think that the boys would agree with me on that one. Since then, I have met someone else. I've now known him for 2 and a half years, but my feelings have just gotten stronger as each day goes on (I'm aware that sounds incredibly cheesy, but it's true!). 

Despite everything that has happened between as both as a pair and as individuals, I do truly believe that he is my soulmate. I'm well aware that my opinion on this matter may change in the future, but as far as I'm concerned, I can't see it changing anytime soon. I genuinely do love him, and I know, deep down in his heart, that he feels the same about me too. Sometimes two people love each other, but the timing just isn't right at that moment. However, as I've already said, if something is meant to be, I genuinely believe it will be. Maybe one day I'll speak more about relationships over on my blog, but that's a whole other story.

I hope all of you find happiness, and if you have already found it, then I really do pray that it lasts and works out to be your happy ever after. You all deserve happiness. And you will all get it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow - but, one day. I promise.

Lots of love always,

Jade xo

I hope you found this post super helpful, informative and reassuring no matter what your relationship status is right now! If you would like to do a guest post for the #SpeakUp project, like Jade about any issue that affects young people's health and wellbeing, then do not hesitate to get in contact.

I would love to know your advice for those in teenage relationships, in the comments below!

Thank you for reading, as always x 

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12 comments

  1. I use to be ashamed of the fact that I am 21 and have never been in a relationship. I have had my first kiss, and have been VERY close to dating someone but it just didn't work out :/ Nevertheless this post is SO encouraging, I agree that there is no need to rush into anything :) I was always told that it is so important to run this race called life so that any man that is interested in you would have to be running the race also to keep up ;)

    Lovely Post!

    Nikki O. | www.herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com

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    1. aw that's such a lovely way of putting it! I couldn't agree more x

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  2. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18 but it didn't bother me too much as I knew when I turned 18 'everything would change'. And by this I meant I would start going out, getting drunk and getting with randoms. I affectionately refer to this as my 'year of the slut' and while I don't regret it I didn't have a very healthy mindset in this year!

    In regards to teenage relationships; I have a niece who is 15 and the relationships her and her friends (which they often jump in and out of) seem very intense. Dating older guys, getting into physical fights, police being involved, harassing each other and so much drama! It scares me a bit but you can't mention it as it just causes more arguments. Is this most teenage girls or just her group of friends, I wonder.

    Harriet | Shake This Town

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    1. Oh I am really not sure, I don't have any experience with either of these x

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  3. I was in a "relationship" and I should have broken up with the person earlier than I did. This post is so true and so helpful xx
    blossomofhope.blogspot.com

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  4. I actually feel like it's better not to have a teenage relationship! I was in a 3 year long distance relationship between the ages of 15 and 18 and when the relationship ended I realised just how much I missed out on! I used to ditch parties or just hanging with my friends so I could hang out with my boyfriend, I wasn't completely myself and found that I haven't developed as a person as much because I was always with the same person, doing the same things, etc. I've also found that when you're in a relationship with someone, how you're seen is linked to how your other half acts too- for example if my boyfriend got into a fight I would be seen as "the girl who's going out with a violent person", etc, etc which may make people think that I'm like that too. (Thats just an example, he wasn't violent, haha!) Obviously teenage relationships can help people in the sense of they find what they do/dont want in a parter, but it's safe to say I'll be trying to stay single for quite a while from now on to catch up on all the time I surrounded myself in a "relationship bubble", ahah!
    Cloe X http://clxelouise.blogspot.com

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    1. aw that's lovely to hear! I hope you catch up on everything you missed out on x

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  5. thanks. i guess i'm going to write the link to this post down somewhere because i'm for sure going to come back to this a few times in the future.

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    1. aw please do! It will always be here! x

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  6. I love this post!

    Everything that's been said is so true and I couldn't agree more on the amount of pressure surrounding teenagers to be in relationships and to be having sex, their first kiss etc. I've been in a few relationships now where the guy that I was with didn't respect me and didn't consider my feelings as a human being with the same emotions and complications.

    I can truly say that I have now found the nicest guy that I've met in a long time and who treats me how everyone should be treated - with kindness, compassion and equal value. It's important that we all know our own self worth and I really do believe that loving ourselves is a vital stepping stone to being able to love someone else. It's all about timing and knowing what you deserve, that being the very best of what should be a happy and healthy relationship for both people.

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    1. aw I couldn't agree more! I am glad your happier now though xx

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