Sunday, 7 August 2016

What It Feels Like To Have An Invisible Illness

What It Feels Like To Have An Invisible Illness poem blogger mental health illness OCD anxiety support help

I have an invisible illness. I don't have a lump or bump; I don't walk with a limp or have any broken limbs. I don't have any scars or bandages to signify my bravery or courage, but that doesn't mean there's nothing there.

I have an invisible illness. You can't see it. You can't hear it. You can't touch it. You can't smell it, and you definitely can't feel it, but that doesn't mean there's nothing there. 

I have an invisible illness. My illness can't be treated with a 7-day course of antibiotics or a couple of sessions of physiotherapy. There's nothing abnormal to see in a blood test, X-Ray or urine sample but that doesn't mean there's nothing there. 

I have an invisible illness. On the outside, I may seem happy, cheerful and fulfilled but on the inside, I am confused, angry and struggling. Just because you can't see every emotion it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. I know what I do is wrong. I know that my fears are irrational. I know I am not a bad person. I know I am not going to harm others, but this doesn't stop me performing my compulsions. I have a bully inside my head, just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an Invisible Illness. This invisible illness strips me of my independence. It stops me leading a normal life. It stops me doing the things I should be for my age. My invisible illness makes me feel like I am existing not living but just because you can't see this it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. I have good days and bad days. I have days where I'm in control and days when I'm not. I have days where I can tackle a 10 item to do list and days where I'm too afraid to leave my house but just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. My life is affected in much more ways that most people would imagine. Some days are better than others; I treasure these days. Some days are worse, I try and learn from these days. You might not be able to tell a good day from a bad day. Just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. I am subjected to stereotypes and negative connotations. People don't understand. They think they understand, but they don't. Their knowledge of mental illness thrives off the misinformed media they absorb. Just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. I did not choose to have my illness. I can't just snap out of it or stop, contrary to what many people may think. Mental illness does not discriminate. So why should we discriminate against people who have a mental illness? Just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. I am fighting something more complicated than any urinary tract infection or broken bone. I am fighting the brain. The most complex part of the human there is. I take happy pills to sort the chemicals in my brain. I am not weak. I do not surrender. Just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. I have an invisible illness, and I am strong. I can beat the bully inside of me. It may not be tomorrow, next week or even next year but I can fight it. I am determined to live a normal happy life again but just because you can't see my battle it doesn't mean it's not there.

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I have an invisible illness. Each day is a struggle, but I get through. Each day I make progress, steps towards recovery. The road is rocky and uneven, but I stay steady. Sometimes I trip, but I pick myself up and try again tomorrow. Just because you can't see these struggles it doesn't mean they are not there. 

I have an invisible illness. For every person that doesn't understand there is someone that does. There are people to help me. People to support me and people just to listen to me. I am grateful for every single one of these people. They mean the world to me and I don't know what I would do without them. Just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there.

I have an invisible illness. I have an invisible illness, and I am brave. I reached out to a charity organisation when I was struggling. I went to the doctors and shared my innermost thoughts and feelings. I got my diagnosis and did not break down. Just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there. 

I have an invisible illness. I understand, and I want to help. I know what it feels like. I know what your thinking. I publish posts on my platform to reassure and comfort others going through a similar situation. I am here for you. Just because you can't see it it doesn't mean it's not there.

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I have an invisible illness. I am not alone. 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental health problem at some stage in their life. These illnesses are debilitating, isolating and life controlling. So if the effects are so serious, why do we treat them as if they are invisible? Just because you Can't see mental illness it doesn't mean it's not there. 

If you are affected or know someone that is affected by a mental illness, I hope you find the strength to carry on and not give up- you are worth it! 

This post is very different to anything I have ever written before. I wanted it to be a poem but I suck at rhyming. I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. If you know someone who would benefit from reading this post, please do share it!

Thank you for reading, as always X

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19 comments

  1. I absolutely love this post Nicole! I love all of your mental health posts you are such a kind hearted brave and incredible person. Seeing you write all these mental health posts and being so open about talking about them inspires me to talk about them more on my blog! All these statements are so true and I wish people treated mental illnesses just as seriously as they treat physical illnesses. - Lexi xx

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    1. Thank you so much Lexi! I wish people did too! x

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  2. I really love this post. I love seeing people writing about mental illness, its nice to see and feel that you're not alone. xx

    www.beautylifebecca.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. I completely agree and understand you Nicole! It's difficult dealing with day to day people when you have an invisible illness but whenever they get to you you have a whole army of readers and followers who can support you and give a little back for everything you do on this blog for us ♥ Lily xx

    meetmeinmelford.blogspot.com

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    1. aw I know, it's so nice to know I have the support from all my readers and followers xx

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  4. This is really beautiful, Nicole. And as an English Lit student I think it is a poem, if you want it to be - poems don't have to rhyme and it's got a brilliant rhythm and cycle to it, like a kind of prose-poem.
    You do such great work at articulating how mental illness feels for you, and for others too I think; this piece is particularly powerful and I love how although you struggle daily with your illness there is a real sense of determination and positivity here which is really impressive. I hope your social media break is helping and life is seeming a little sunnier for you at the moment!
    Lx | Lightly We Go

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    1. aw thank you so much! I am glad you thought it was a poem, I wanted it to flow like a poem xx

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  5. Absolutely beautifully written! You took all of the emotions and hardships that I deal with everyday and put it into such a heart-breakingly true prose. Thank you for speaking out about mental health. I hope this kind of awareness will help break the stigma and make people realize that mental illness is a disease, just like any other kind you can actually "see." Wonderful post as always! <3

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    1. aw thank you so much! That's my mission to end the stigma around mental health xx

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  6. I love this post, it is so well written. I think it has definitely raised awareness of mental health xx
    blossomofhope.blogspot.com

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  7. This is so well written and beautifully put! It's exactly how I feel and it's so important to raise awareness for mental health. I've also written a post about how it feels, but I think your post is so inspirational and I would like to thank you for sharing this with the world :)

    Marc | Bugger All Blog

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  8. Beautifully written and so true too. It's easy to see a broken leg or notice the effects of the flue or a virus, but when dealing with things like anxiety and depression, it can be harder to show people what you're truly going through. Thank you for writing this! - Tasha

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  9. Well written. I can relate to this and admire you writing about it. I have an invisible illness and keep it locked away. Stay positive x

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  10. Beautiful post!!! And just like you, I write about this subject once in a while in hopes that it would help someone or inspire someone to keep on fighting. Thank you for writing this and I hope you are doing well today!

    http://ariannecruz07.blogspot.com

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